There were technical difficulties in writing the review around the time the mixtape dropped. It appears as if Meek Mill, the MMG affiliate who owned the project, sneaked into Femdog’s room in Houston, TX to write the review. The following conversation ensued.
Meek Mill: AYO WHATUP NIGGAS DIS IS FEMDOG BACK AT IT LIKE A CRACK ADDICT HAHA! YESSIR! AYO IM BACK FROM PHILA- I MEAN DAT PIFF AN I JUS FINISHED JAMMIN DAT NEW NEW! DAT DREAMCHASERS BABY! WORD UP DAT SHIT LIKE LYRICAL VIAGRA FO YALLS EARS! AIGHT SO HEUH WE GO FO DIS REVIEW!
AYO! DAT NIGGA MEEK BE GETTIN IT IN NAHMEAN! HE DROPPIN BOMBS FROM DA FIRST TRACK TO DA… HOL UP LEMME COUNT… FOTEEN, FI’TEEN… DA TWUNNIETH TRACK! HEAH YEAH DREAMCHASER 2 LIKE A RASH IN YO CRACK WITOUT DA PREPARATION H, SHIT BE BURNIN HAHA! BUT IN A GOOD WAY DOE. YO I GAVE- UM, DA ALMIGHTY MEEK GAVE YALL IGNANT REKIDS, RUHTAHDED REKIDS, NASTY 2 LIVE CREW-TYPE REKIDS, AND E’EN SOME REAL NIGGA SHID ABOUT HIS OL’ LIFE! WORD! RICK ROSS FORCED ME- SHIT, FORCED HIM TO ADD SOME TRACKS LIKE DAT SO PEOPLE COULD GET A BREAK FROM DA FLEXIN, DA BOTTLE POPPIN, THE BACK BREAKIN N’ ALLA DAT FEEL ME?
AND YO, DEM SHITS BANG HARDER DEN A AK, REAL TALK! PLAY BURN INNA WHIP, WUT IT GON’ DO? BOOMSHAKALAKA! PLAY RACKED UP SHAWTY INNA WHIP, WUT IT GON’ DO? BOOMSHAKALAKA! N JUS PLAY DEM SHITS INNA CLUB, GIRLS GO CRAY ON YO DICK LIKE YOU PAID CHIL’ SUPPORT! SO REALLY DAS IT, NAHMEAN, SHOUT OUT TO ROZAY, STALLEY, WALLABY, OMARION VAN PEEBLES, KHALID, DRIZZLES, NICKI’S RIGHT AND LEFT ASS CHEE-
Femdog: Whoa, whoa! What the hell- Meek Mill?!? What the hell have you been doing in my room for the past twenty minutes?
Meek: AW SHIT! NIGGA YOU AINT SUPPOSE TUH BE HERE! I THOUGHT BITCH NIGGA CLASS CLOSE AT 3! HOW YOU E’EN KNOW I WAS HEUH?
Femdog: Because I can hear you shouting from down the block! Holy shit, you’re loud man! Wait… why is my laptop covered in spit? It’s a laptop, not a microphone you idiot! Were you trying to write a review of your own mixtape?
Meek: PSH! PSH! NAW BOY YOU CRAZY I AIN’ DAT DESPERATE! I GOT RACKS AND ROLLIES AND WHIPS AND DIAMOND STUDDED POTATO CHIPS NIG! SHIT WE BALLIN’ OVA HEUH, AIN GOT FUCKIN TIME TO WORRY ABOUT YO PUNK ASS REVIEWS!
Femdog: You don’t know how to type, do you?
Meek: … THE FUCK YOU MEAN?!? HELL NAW I DON’T! I WAS TO BUSY SLINGIN’ DAT LIBERTY BELL- DAT CRACK, HAHA- TO DA CLIENTELE. WHILE YO PUNK ASS WAS-
Femdog: And can you stop screaming? Jeez!
Meek: NIGGA DIS HOW I OPERATE! DONT DISRUPT MA FUNK!
Femdog: Sure whatever, “respect your grind, respect the hustle,” all that popstar bullshit. Can’t even sabotage right and he wants my respect…
Meek: I AINT A POPSTAR! IM A REAL NIGGA!
Femdog: My ass you are. “Real niggas” got whipped with rock-tipped vines and were hung from trees. You’re just another narcissistic black guy from the hood who can rap, and got a record deal off of the haunches of Rick Ross’ exclusive business model.
Femdog: You’re lucky.
Meek: OH… HEAH YEAH! HAHA WE FINALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING!
Femdog: No, its two things man! I actually enjoyed your mixtape, overall at least.
Meek: OH SHIT, FORREAL? AYO DATS A WRAP, MMG BREAKING NESE LIBRAL ART NIGGAS HEADS WIDE OPEN WID DIS PRODUCT HAHA!
Femdog: I’d rather have a college degree than a rap sheet.
Meek: YOU RATHER HAVE MY FOOT UP YO ASS IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHY YOU DIG MY SHIT!
Femdog: Holy- stop screaming! And quit breathing hard, I need oxygen too.
Meek: MY BAD HOMIE.
Femdog: … Anyways, I usually don’t dig music like this. Its the usual cache of club-ready jams to get people dancing or get some lucky guy head.
Meek: IF DAT HAPPEN, DEN MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Femdog: Mission accomplished because that girl has herpes, or…
Meek: CONTINUE NIGGA.
Femdog: Right, so… I don’t know. I think its because of your affiliation with Rick Ross. I dig his music because he seems suffers from multiple personality disorder with the whole I used to be a corrections officer and now I conduct business with wholesale bundles of cocaine haha.
Meek: ALL HAIL ROZAY! DA BENEVOLENT FATHA O’ DA RAP GAME! FAKE NIGGAS DIE IN PIECES!
Femdog: Sure. Basically, it came down to this; If I can enjoy his stuff even though its a strain of rap that usually averts my interests, then there’s no reason for me to upright hate your mixtape either. Shoot, I enjoyed Stalley’s mixtape, although he’s not about carnality like you guys-
Meek: DA FUCK IS KARMALITEE?
Femdog: He likes to think with his brain and not his penis.
Meek: HAHA… YALL TWO MISSIN’ OUT ON SOME GOOD THOUGHTS BOY…
Femdog: Quit interrupting me!
Meek: I LIKE TUH LEARN BITCH! I DON’T DO IT DAT OFTEN!
Unknown voice: HUNGH!
Meek: AW SHIT! MY BOSS BACK, SHIT! FEMDOG, MY BAD BRO. YOU JUST BE GETTIN’ TOo HARD ON US JUICY FRUIT GOONS NAHMEAN! WE WORKIN’, QUIT BLOCKIN’ THE FLOW!
Femdog: Whoa, was that… was that Rick Ross?
Rozay: I said… HUNGH!
Meek: FUCK! AIGHT WELL, SEND ME DA BILL FO YA LAPTOP N SHIT! STAY POSITIVE NIGGA! AND QUIT BUSSIN’ UP REAL NIGGAS YOU BIG HEAD MUHFUCKA! YO ROZAY! ALL HAIL ROZAY! DA BENEVOL…
Femdog: Wow. I know they say pop music is everywhere, but holy shit, I didn’t know they meant it like that. Oh, right, a review. Well, as I said, I enjoyed it. It sort of blends in from one track to another because its “I got racks this” or “she gon’ fuck” that so I never worried about his lyrics that much, and the beats bump in the whip. This music cannot be rated on the level of hip hop, and although I’d not normally listen to this on a daily basis, this mixtape serves a purpose that Shabazz Palaces cannot.
I’m not going to any clubs, and nor do I intend to, so the mixtape basically sums up to what Myke C-Town considers “fast food rap:” it hits you right quick, you wallow in the flavors and the theatrical nonsense, and then the fun is gone. No reason to hold onto a cheesy wrapper without a burger, or substance, to qualify that. However, if need be, I’d say that “A1 Everything” has a slim chance of keeping my attention because of Kendrick Lamar’s turnt-up performance, and “I Get It” and “Lean Wit It” have impossibly catchy grooves. But songs like “Face Down” get gunned up and clapped quick. I don’t need to hear that shit, the Internet exists for a reason.
My ears still ring. Meek Mill is so retardedly loud. If you got this far, have a treat.